apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
