He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
