My room smells like vodka and shame
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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