your thong is hanging out like whoa
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
