Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
