The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
