All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
