Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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