I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
