Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
