what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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