I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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