I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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