if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
