Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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