i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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