His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
