dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
