I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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