It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
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Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
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Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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