hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
birth control should be required to get into college
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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