I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
