he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
