Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
