im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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