cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
