I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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