Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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