i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
