My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
