Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
