i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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