i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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