Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
