Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I had to cum in my sink.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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