I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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