Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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