I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
