we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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