I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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