Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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