"it" just moved
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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