last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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