yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
