Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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