just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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