She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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