Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
