Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
