How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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