You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
