My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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