Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
