you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
