I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Say something about gay babies.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
