We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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