i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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