woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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