I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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