Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
