Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
