im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
