you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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