ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
