I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
