Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
